The Irreverent Expat
Packing Up
Memo: To All Expat Employees Moving This Summer
From: Your Friendly Re-Location Department
Re: Moving Day
Yes, that date circled in red on your calendar is fast approaching. The one
we finally confirmed for you just the other day after months of keeping you
hanging around thinking there was a possibility that you were staying or at
least moving somewhere other than the destination stamped on the endless forms
we have asked you to please fill in for us. In the interests of making the move
as easy as possible, we thought we would pass along some company tips and feeble
explanations.
- Non-participation of husbands (part one)
For those expat wives engaging in the pack up solo, the Corporation apologizes that your husbands can’t be here to help with the move in any way shape or form. Their presence is absolutely vital to the functioning of the Corporation, requiring they move at least six months ahead of you to the next assignment. - Non-participation of husbands (part two)
Sorry that your husbands also will be unable to help with the set up of your new homes because their vital presence at the next assignment has necessitated they have absolutely no time whatsoever to engage in family related (non-program) activities. - Company Drivers
While the Corporation would love to keep paying for the drivers whom you have become totally dependent upon, especially during the difficult pack up time when there is so much running around to do, unfortunately this is not a viable financial option. Do the best you can. - Weight Limits
While we encouraged wives to shop until they dropped during the assignment here as a means of overcoming resentment over the loss of career or just as something to do, the weight limit we assured you would accommodate lovely local furniture, has now unfortunately been changed. However, the Corporation is willing to arrange Fire Sales to help you dispose of anything above and beyond this new weight limit which is now roughly the equivalent of the weight of a child’s night table and one computer (but only if the computer has been used by the employee during ‘non-working’ hours to do paperwork and communicate with head office.) - Storage
For those of you who know you are moving but are uncertain as to where, storage will be allowed. As you many of you are aware, the subject of storage (and whether the Corporation or employee should bear the cost) has been the discussion of many memos in recent months. In the interest of fairness, it was finally decided that families who only know they are moving but who will not know for at least another four to six months precisely to where they are moving, storage costs will be paid for. Those employees wishing to store furniture which now exceeds the original weight allowance which the Corporation reneged on, will have to bear the financial burdens themselves. - Expired Leases
We know there are several employees upset over the fact that the leases on their houses expire one month before their actual move, necessitating complete family upheaval and a lengthy hotel stay which can be trying, especially for families with young children. Sorry about that. - Travel Plans
Be sure to let the company know about departure dates and any holiday plans in case the employee has to be recalled early from his vacation. - Moving Companies
As you know, it is company policy for employees to get three estimates from local moving companies so the Corporation can then hire the lowest bidder regardless of the quality (and despite letters of complaint which may have come in from families upset over broken china, missing furniture, etc etc). However, it was recently decided that the Corporation now requires four (4) estimates. Those employees already set up pack up with a company and who have adjusted all their plans accordingly, must be advised they have to submit a fourth estimate as quickly as possible. In the interest of fairness, those receiving this memo on their actual pack up day do not need to engage in this exercise. No one else is excused.
One final company note: we hope you have enjoyed your assignment here and we look forward to assisting you and your family in any way we can in your future assignments with this Corporation.
Bon voyage!
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